I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
