just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
