True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pants are for mortals
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
