Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
