So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
