That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
