There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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