found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
