Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
