Life is so much better after having sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
