That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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