I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
