Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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