dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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