New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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