:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
