dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
