Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
