there's paper in my vomit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
