Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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