So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
