hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
