I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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