Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize