the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
