i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
