YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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