so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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