so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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