Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize