Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
