i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
