ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
