Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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