And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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