Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
