Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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