masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i think i just lost a toe
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
