grandma shit on top of the toilet
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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