You're so nebulous sometimes
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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