I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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