Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
