im six kinds of drunk right now
accomplished twins. life is a go
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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