Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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