You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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