remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
