I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
