seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
