he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
