12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
