I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
