sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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