I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
