Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
