Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
