I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
