Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
