if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
