that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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