Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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