you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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