I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize