Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
