i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
