Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
