we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
