we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
