WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
