Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
